• Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee
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    9 days ago

    - “Grandpa, did you fight in WW3?”
    - “No, they wouldn’t let me enlist because I masturbated way too much. Like an immediately disqualifying amount.”

      • Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee
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        9 days ago

        You kids today are soft, back in my day there was this big war & I could only use one hand because I needed the other to fight people that wanted to evacuate me.

        Or that one time I had to hide in the attic & do it very quietly.

        Or that time I had to do it with a super bright light in my face because there was something called “an interrogation” at the camp.

  • superkret@feddit.org
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    9 days ago

    Just put them on a 2000 calory deficit diet during basic training, and double its duration.
    That’ll get rid of 80 pounds of excess fat, plus they won’t have the strength to masturbate.

    Sure, half of them will become casualties before they see action, but they can still pilot drones, do the funny or make coffee, while you can feed the other half into the front line grinder.

        • LostXOR@fedia.io
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          9 days ago

          That’s only about half a gram of carbs. Were you talking about food calories, which would be 2000 kcal?

            • LostXOR@fedia.io
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              9 days ago

              I’m not sure what you mean by that. If you’re confused about the calories, 1 kcal (which is what people usually refer to when talking about food calories) is 1000 calories. A normal diet is a couple thousand kcal a day.

    • TragicNotCute@lemmy.world
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      9 days ago

      When they won’t get their dicks out of their hands in formation, it’s very distracting for others.

      • nuke@sh.itjust.worksM
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        9 days ago

        I know we just met but I feel very confident leaving the fate of the free world in your hands. Just cool it with the warcrimes okay, all that teabagging is going land you in the Hague.

  • Empricorn@feddit.nl
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    9 days ago

    Why. The fuck. Would anyone, Millennial or younger join the US military these days? To fight for oil overseas, while the world is burning? To be the arm of our corrupt politicians? To defend all the houses we will never afford? To protect a populace that yearns for fascism?