This sounds, to me, a lot like being driven by revenge. Yes it can work, you can force yourself to move with spite, but it’s not healthy, and eventually you’re going to have a reckoning. “Paralyzing” anxiety is not good for you. Using it to squeeze every last drop of productivity out of yourself is going to leave you wrung out.
I am, of course, not a therapist. I recommend you discuss this with one.
Weed has helped me figure alot out about myself as well. The main thing is that I really don’t like spending all my time stressed out. It feels physically uncomfortable. I had never noticed that before I had THC, to calm me down for the first time in my life. It’s helped me break down a lot of walls my anxiety built, which were keeping me from parts of myself.
Tolerance is so unfair lol