Not exactly a Tl;dr but:
The lack of sexual desire can be just as hard or harder to learn about yourself than sexual preference.
We grow up in a world that assumes people will want sex. And anyone who doesn’t is either traumatized and needs help or just hasn’t found the right person yet.
Learning that there are other people who never develop that desire feels so good. It lets you feel, for once, that you’re not broken for not having that. There’s nothing wrong, some people are just like that!
The word for that was asexual.
But lately, asexual has been changed to mean something completely different. It’s still a form of sexual cravings, just in the flavor of microlabels to describe what gives you sexual feelings.
And places where the first group once could connect and joke and vent with each other over experiences of not having sexual desire, now you can’t say anything of the sort without a barrage of people saying “asexuals like sex, too!”
And if you just wanted a safe space to chill with people who share your experience… well, you see it in this thread. You get called a gatekeeping asshole.
So we get forced out of once safe spaces. For wanting a safe space with people we share commonality with. For wanting a simple way to say “Hey, this is how I am, and I’m not broken”.
And with more people identifying as asexual while seeking a sexual relationship, it’s even harder than ever to NOT feel broken. There’s no word for people who just don’t want sex. No word but broken, or “gatekeeping assholes”.
And we’re back to square one. “That’s not normal, you need therapy!” “You just haven’t found the right person yet!” “I bet I can fix you!” “But you’d have sex for ME, right?” “You’re just a late bloomer!”
And that hurts.
To add a touch of humor to a depressing situation: Why yes, my asshole is gatekept. I don’t want anal sex, either!
Edit to add: It’s not to say others don’t exist or are invalid. They do exist and are valid! It’s about others saying we’re assholes for wanting a safe space to not understand sexual desire together.
I’ve already left any asexual spaces because of how uncomfortably sexual they’d become, and how no one could share an experience of not being sexual without constant reminders of how sex is pretty awesome actually.
A safe space isn’t exactly safe when you’re only kept around to be kicked down.