Don’t let your RSD get to you in this post. Convince yourself I wrote this for another person.
Bro, you are in a bad way, and I’m going to talk to you like no therapist ever would, because they have certain obligations and will dance around things until you finally get it on your own while they waste years of your life waiting for you to do so. I have ADHD and was in a relationship with a person with undiagnosed (at the time) BPD, which was no picnic, and some of your writings give me flashbacks.
I will be blunt with you, because I wish someone had been blunt with me and gave me direct advice. Get out, the relationship is not worth it, and the really unfortunate thing is that you can only really comprehend this properly once you are out.
If I could give you a gift, it would be to advance your life 15 years into the future when you are well out of this relationship – the moment you finally snapped you were so fed up and realized there was more to life is all but a distant memory – so that you finally have some perspective and relief. Your future self is glad that’s all in the past, and that you are finally safe and free of the toxicity you were living in.
Most of the time, it’s good.
I wish you knew how truly miserable this phrase is. You think you know, but you don’t, I can tell from how you defend things. I used to tell myself that same thing.
Our fucked up brains are just great at causing unintentional harm from time to time.
Stop trying to justify it. That’s what I did. I can tell you this is a bad defense. Things are much better with a partner without a fucked up brain, or at least a lesser one. I’d bet money that you’d find your brain less fucked up without hers around. Just because you are both fucked up doesn’t mean you can help each other, it makes it worse. Just because you are both fucked up, doesn’t mean you deserve each other or are right for each other even with therapy.
Our increasing [ability] to better express ourselves […] amplifies our ability to hurt one another
Isn’t that telling you something?
I’m madly in love with her and she with me
Yes, and? So what? This can be true even while she is still hurting you and you are miserable. People think this is mutually exclusive, but it isn’t. “I’m madly in love with her and she with me” what does this even matter if you are miserable?
She […] regrets [things] deeply. There was a lot of good that came out of our previous attempt at couples therapy and she’s made concrete changes, in addition to apologies.
That’s nice and all, but what good is this if you are still getting hurt and are miserable?
You have been patient, more than patient. You think there is an end in sight to your misery while remaining in this relationship, but it’s an illusion.
In my opinion, you’ve been strung along enough. You’ve given it way more than enough time for you to be happy, it’s time to try something new, something different, free of the encumbrances of this relationship. It’s probably scary to you. I know it was for me. But damn if it isn’t eye opening to be in a relationship where you aren’t being made miserable, your partner genuinely cares about you, and the physicality is a match. It’s exciting, refreshing, freeing. You can start fresh and put all that you’ve learned to use with someone who genuinely makes you happy, and you do the same for them. Things can get better.
Don’t let your RSD get to you in this post. Convince yourself I wrote this for another person.
Bro, you are in a bad way, and I’m going to talk to you like no therapist ever would, because they have certain obligations and will dance around things until you finally get it on your own while they waste years of your life waiting for you to do so. I have ADHD and was in a relationship with a person with undiagnosed (at the time) BPD, which was no picnic, and some of your writings give me flashbacks.
I will be blunt with you, because I wish someone had been blunt with me and gave me direct advice. Get out, the relationship is not worth it, and the really unfortunate thing is that you can only really comprehend this properly once you are out.
If I could give you a gift, it would be to advance your life 15 years into the future when you are well out of this relationship – the moment you finally snapped you were so fed up and realized there was more to life is all but a distant memory – so that you finally have some perspective and relief. Your future self is glad that’s all in the past, and that you are finally safe and free of the toxicity you were living in.
I wish you knew how truly miserable this phrase is. You think you know, but you don’t, I can tell from how you defend things. I used to tell myself that same thing.
Stop trying to justify it. That’s what I did. I can tell you this is a bad defense. Things are much better with a partner without a fucked up brain, or at least a lesser one. I’d bet money that you’d find your brain less fucked up without hers around. Just because you are both fucked up doesn’t mean you can help each other, it makes it worse. Just because you are both fucked up, doesn’t mean you deserve each other or are right for each other even with therapy.
Isn’t that telling you something?
Yes, and? So what? This can be true even while she is still hurting you and you are miserable. People think this is mutually exclusive, but it isn’t. “I’m madly in love with her and she with me” what does this even matter if you are miserable?
That’s nice and all, but what good is this if you are still getting hurt and are miserable?
You have been patient, more than patient. You think there is an end in sight to your misery while remaining in this relationship, but it’s an illusion.
In my opinion, you’ve been strung along enough. You’ve given it way more than enough time for you to be happy, it’s time to try something new, something different, free of the encumbrances of this relationship. It’s probably scary to you. I know it was for me. But damn if it isn’t eye opening to be in a relationship where you aren’t being made miserable, your partner genuinely cares about you, and the physicality is a match. It’s exciting, refreshing, freeing. You can start fresh and put all that you’ve learned to use with someone who genuinely makes you happy, and you do the same for them. Things can get better.