I love how everyone’s already completely forgotten JD Vance exists.

That’s really not true though. I have met so many people who are married that I would never be attracted to! And there are probably loads of people out there who would never be attracted to me or my spouse. The only thing that matters is that we’re attracted to each other.

But the fact that you use the phrase “dating successfully” like there’s a right way to do it… there isn’t. Relationships are messy, and attraction is really only a small part of the whole thing. Stop reading game theory or whatever, that’s the real reason you’re having a hard time.

It sounds like you might not be ready for behavioral therapy just yet, especially in a group setting. Behavioral therapy, IMO, is sort of the last step in the process, where you already know what you’re doing wrong and are just trying to correct your behavior.

Before all that, you may need a period of validation. CBT is extra hard for people who have been invalidated their whole lives. You may need to figure out which of your behaviors are “you” and which are just maladaptive coping mechanisms. You need to be able to identify your emotions for CBT to work. It sounds like you don’t have the time/space to really feel and explore the emotions that are coming up in these group sessions.

I would ask the session leader if you could do some one-on-one sessions before going back to the group. Everyone’s different, and if it feels like this isn’t working for you it’s ok to step back and take a different approach.