I’m in my early 30’s and I’ve literally always been curious about this. I’ve never in my life had the ability to feel sexual pleasure. I’ve never been on any meds or had any sort of traumatic experiences…it’s just the way I’ve always been even if I try. I’m old enough to say that I’m way beyond simply being a “late bloomer”. It’s just something I’ll never experience.
But it often feels like I’m missing a minor sense like taste or smell or something. Everyone has always raved about the taste of dessert, but I’ve never been able to understand or experience it. Can you describe it in detail it for me? Not just the mental part, but the physical part as well?
Thank you.
Sincerely, An Outsider
Wanna trade places?
I think I can best break up my experience into three bits, each with their own (possibly odd) comparable sensations.
- Hornyness
To me, this feels very similar to when I want to eat. Not hunger, but when I am craving candy, chocolate or caffeine.
- Physical sensation
The closest I can think of is the sensation of someone running their fingers trough my hair. Perhaps not your thing, but getting my hair washed at the barbershop is always great.
- Orgasm
3.1 Building up
Have you ever had “runners high” or that weird sensation where the pain of lifting weights actually starts feeling good the more it hurts? In that same way, it feels like I’m pushing for a limit.
Similar to a workout, it can also just be uncomfortable sometimes. Why? Human bodies are just weird.
3.2 Orgasm
Pictures this, you’re out and suddenly realise you left your phone at the coffee shop. This spike of fear running trough your chest, that has a slight sting to it. That same sensation, but instead of fear it’s closer to the feeling of biting into a juicy hamburger after not eating all day.
The train is at my stop, I gotta get out and cycle to work. Perfect timing.
It feels good physically, but sex is something much more emotionally, mentally, and socially important to me. It fulfills an intense desire for sexual intimacy and emotional bonding. I love to be touched, to intensely desire, and that intense desire matched by another for me. Feelings of fire and lightning deep inside, and bruises on the outside, pain, crying, and for a time my mind blank with bliss. For me, sexuality is a defining feature, I would not be me otherwise…
I would say however, if you are asexual and just don’t have these desires you aren’t missing out on much. Most of the benefits are “I get my needs fulfilled,” and if you live a satisfying life without having those needs to fill then there is not much lost, and maybe even something to gain.
I feel really sorry for people who are not attractive, because in today’s society, everything is about how attractive you are. You get more partners, friends, contacts, job offers… The human race are very animal-like in that way. And science tells people we are just animals, so why not act like animals, right?
This is a big topic so I won’t bore anyone, but everyones life has a higher meaning. If you are not attractive, don’t get depressed by that. Accept it and live your life as if you were. Do the things you want to do.
That word “attractive” is a bit loaded though. I think your right that society values attractiveness, but what individuals actually find attractive varies widely. Being intelligent or creative or bold can be attractive. To some being violent or unpredictable or vulnerable can be attractive. For many it all comes down to appearance, but even here there’s not one definition of beauty.
I was talking about appearance. Behavior varies a lot of course, and is very different for different genders or personalities what they like in the other person.
Still my point stands (in my opinion). Appearance is the single most important attribute for dating successfully. You cannot be ugly or you are out of luck.
It’s very agreed on what humans find attractive when it comes to looks. Nice skin, symmetric features, etc.
That’s really not true though. I have met so many people who are married that I would never be attracted to! And there are probably loads of people out there who would never be attracted to me or my spouse. The only thing that matters is that we’re attracted to each other.
But the fact that you use the phrase “dating successfully” like there’s a right way to do it… there isn’t. Relationships are messy, and attraction is really only a small part of the whole thing. Stop reading game theory or whatever, that’s the real reason you’re having a hard time.
